I remember it was right in the middle of my romance with Snake - those blissful days when we drifted around the island, diving into tantra together like it was the only language we knew..
He was busy testing ad campaigns for my school, and I was happily sharing my sexual experience with the women who found their way into it. The "Feminine" marathon was a great success - hundreds of women were joining daily, and I could barely keep up with their comments and heartfelt thank-you messages. But one day, among the endless list of messages, I came across one - from a 16-year-old girl. It was as if a thunderstorm had struck me with electricity when I saw her message. I don’t even remember what the message said, probably something like all the others. But she..she was different. Something in her energy pulled me in instantly.
I remember the feeling clearly - like our souls already knew each other.. Moreover, I felt responsible for her, explaining it to myself by the fact that she was the first such young girl to come to my training. At the time, I was planning to open a charity center for teenage girls, so it made sense..
But deep down, I think God simply had a more graceful plan - to reunite two kindred souls who had once agreed to meet here,
and be.. together.
Since then, we always stayed in touch. She took all my courses, collected nearly every intimate accessory I ever released, and kept writing to me regularly - asking thoughtful questions I was genuinely interested in answering. From time to time, we would cross paths in the most unexpected corners of the world. And every time we met, there was this unmistakable warmth - soft, soulful, intimate. Yet the thread between us remained - that sacred bond of teacher and student. I was her guide, her mentor. And she, to me, was the young woman I was gently accompanying into the depths of feminine sensuality.
For a long time, I remained deeply reserved in my romantic life, while she, on the contrary, explored everything forbidden - and, to be honest, it often broke my heart. I worried when she started working on webcam, when she got involved with an absolute narcissistic asshole who drained every drop of life out of her, when she completely lost herself and her direction in life. It was painful to watch her make those mistakes, but I couldn’t judge her - I’d made plenty of my own when I was young. Let’s be honest, I’ve been making them my entire life. But it’s my mistakes that have shaped me - made me stronger and wiser. That’s why I kept loving and supporting this fragile girl, even when a wave of judgment rose inside me at her reckless choices. But the judgment, I realized, wasn’t really about her - it was about me.
After all, I had been the one to open the door to her sensual awakening (or at least, I believed I had). I started thinking maybe I had guided her the “wrong” way, influenced her with my "wrong" essence, and therefore… What a shitty guide I was. That feeling became one of the reasons I closed my school. I never wanted to have a harmful impact on women - especially not on young girls who might come into contact with my teachings.
After I closed the school, we still kept in touch - only now, more as friends. She was growing up, becoming more experienced, more grounded. And with time, she was not only able to receive my support but to offer hers in return. We were getting closer with each passing year. By then, we already shared a long history - a parallel journey of joy and sadness.
By the time I returned to Russia, she was the only girl-friend I had truly stayed connected with.
“Сat… I don’t even know how to say this, but I don’t think I can live with my husband anymore,” she confessed in a voice message. It wasn’t an easy thing for her to admit - especially since I had been the one who never approved of her marrying that devil in disguise. I hadn’t supported the marriage, true, but I still celebrated her happiness just a few months earlier when they tied the knot.
The breakup was brutal for her. She was completely shattered, drowning in guilt and grief, and flew from Thailand back to Russia in pieces. I stayed close, messaging her every day, doing whatever I could to hold her through it. I kept inviting her to come visit me in Saint P.
And she came.
I welcomed her with deep tenderness. I’d always had this mix of sisterly-motherly feelings for her - but now, something more was unfolding. We met at a transformative moment for both of us. She was coming out of a marriage, reclaiming her sexual energy; I was stepping into a new era of my life - a deeper level of creative leadership, entering a phase I later called SaintSinner.
And we both sinned.
She was open to romantic adventures, and I was fully immersed in mine - finally allowing myself to bring all my secret fetish fantasies to life.
She would visit me often, and we’d dive into long conversations about the erotic events I was planning to organize. More than just a guest, she was ready to take part in the sensual practices I was preparing to lead. That entire chapter of my life I later called the dance with the Devil - a wild balancing act between adequacy and absolute madness. And the ideas that came to me during that time… were deliciously uninhibited.
And she would say to everything, “I love it! Let’s try!” - sitting in front of me in that delicate little dress. The stretchy fabric wrapped around her petite, elegant breasts, perfectly tracing her soft curves, while the deep slit along her thigh ran nearly to the edge of panties she wasn’t even wearing.
That moment changed something.
For the first time, I saw her not as a student, not as a young priestess-in-the-making - but as an undeniably sensual young woman. And simply looking at her became the purest form of aesthetic pleasure.
I wanted to capture that beauty on camera. This desire hit me out of nowhere.
I’d never even thought about filming anyone but myself before. But her sensuality and raw beauty completely mesmerized me. I wanted to feel that energy again and again - to watch her, to frame what my eyes were seeing.. and preserve it through the lens.
We decided to blend pleasure with purpose and record a cord-cutting ritual for my Secret Sense project. I wanted to help her move through the pain of breakup, and at the same time, create something beautiful together. And that’s exactly what happened. We were completely inspired by our creative union and genuinely enjoyed the entire filming process. My Muse was soft, relaxed, entirely natural, and I was in absolute awe - not just of what I saw through the lens, but of what we were creating together. The video itself wasn’t meant to be erotic in any way, but the energy.. it sparkled with sensuality.
We didn’t want to stop. We wanted more - more depth, more feeling, more sensuality. And so we agreed: we would continue. This creative connection between us was just the beginning.
At that point, I couldn’t yet picture myself touching and kissing her. Inside me, the maternal instinct and the longing of a lover were still trying to figure out how to coexist. But after that shoot, a “brilliant” little idea entered my mind - what if I gave her my best lover as a gift and simply watched her cum from his caresses.
And my Muse - with a smile of curiosity and trust -