My long-standing dream of filming aesthetic, educational erotica was finally within reach - yet something inside me still held back from diving into this long-awaited experience.
“Let’s take it slowly, darling. What if we start with something small - like filming an atmospheric video for my favourite ritual, ‘cutting energetic ties’? I want to share it on my school’s blog.”
“Absolutely! Let’s attune, warm up.. see what flows from there - and then go deeper.”
I sketched out the script and rough storyboard, prepared the setup, and invited my Muse over.
This wasn’t just a shoot. It was a meaningful process for both of us. She had just gone through a deeply painful breakup, and the ritual I was guiding her through required a complete energetic release from her former partner. For me, it was also an answer to a very personal question:
Do I really want to see others through the lens - or is my fascination with beauty limited only to myself?
But the moment I pressed rec., all my hesitation dissolved like candle smoke. I became one with the camera. I was meditating through the act of watching. And my Muse - she moved so naturally, so effortlessly in the frame. Light, shadows, curves.. The camera, it seemed, could see her even more beautifully than my own eyes.
I couldn’t look away.
I wanted to get closer. See deeper. Capture every glowing cell of her luminous skin.
It felt like I was inhaling her scent, catching the frequency of her body - through the lens.
We laughed a lot - mostly because I kept losing my composure, blurting out things like,
“OH JSUS FUCK - THIS IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!”
I was overflowing with awe.
I devoured her with my eyes through the viewfinder, shamelessly basking in her beauty, caressing every graceful curve of her body with my gaze.
No. I didn’t want to possess her.
I didn’t even want to touch her.
It was enough to witness her through the camera, and feel the waves of ecstasy rippling through my own body.
That was my clear and undeniable answer:
Yes, I want to film erotica.
Yes, I’m ready to go all the way.
“Let’s take it slowly, darling. What if we start with something small - like filming an atmospheric video for my favourite ritual, ‘cutting energetic ties’? I want to share it on my school’s blog.”
“Absolutely! Let’s attune, warm up.. see what flows from there - and then go deeper.”
I sketched out the script and rough storyboard, prepared the setup, and invited my Muse over.
This wasn’t just a shoot. It was a meaningful process for both of us. She had just gone through a deeply painful breakup, and the ritual I was guiding her through required a complete energetic release from her former partner. For me, it was also an answer to a very personal question:
Do I really want to see others through the lens - or is my fascination with beauty limited only to myself?
But the moment I pressed rec., all my hesitation dissolved like candle smoke. I became one with the camera. I was meditating through the act of watching. And my Muse - she moved so naturally, so effortlessly in the frame. Light, shadows, curves.. The camera, it seemed, could see her even more beautifully than my own eyes.
I couldn’t look away.
I wanted to get closer. See deeper. Capture every glowing cell of her luminous skin.
It felt like I was inhaling her scent, catching the frequency of her body - through the lens.
We laughed a lot - mostly because I kept losing my composure, blurting out things like,
“OH JSUS FUCK - THIS IS SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!”
I was overflowing with awe.
I devoured her with my eyes through the viewfinder, shamelessly basking in her beauty, caressing every graceful curve of her body with my gaze.
No. I didn’t want to possess her.
I didn’t even want to touch her.
It was enough to witness her through the camera, and feel the waves of ecstasy rippling through my own body.
That was my clear and undeniable answer:
Yes, I want to film erotica.
Yes, I’m ready to go all the way.
to be continued...