Shaded Light is a psychological-erotic novel about the deep reprogramming of the mind. Caught between two lovers - one embodying my light, the other my shadow - I learned not to choose between them, but to embrace both. This story is a descent - and a rising. A sensual journey through the dark night of the soul hand in hand with loving guides. It is about reclaiming power, healing the inner split, and becoming a woman who belongs to herself.

Catrin Ray
Author & Main Character
Intro.

Having finally unpacked my belongings in luxurious apartment in the very center of magnificent Saint Petersburg - my hometown, which I left many years ago, without having the slightest idea of ​​all the wonders of life that awaited me ahead,

I felt that a very important chapter of my life’s book had come to a close.

To me, closing a chapter doesn’t mean forgetting and moving on. I feel like I’m here to walk through life collecting the most unusual experiences and passing them on - to those who might find them, at the very least, interesting, and at best, truly helpful.

The past three years have been revolutionary for me, and in a way, they brought a whole era of self-discovery to an end. A period of coming to terms with my deeply contradictory and unconventional nature. It’s these three years I now feel ready to capture in a novel called Shaded Light - a story of how I embraced my shadow side and began shaping myself into a whole being.
I live my life like a movie.
It matters to me that the scenery pleases my discerning eye, that sounds caress my ears, that every cell of my body rings with the pleasure of the moment - even in times of heartache. That’s why the stories I create in my life are always full of beauty, sensuality, soulfulness, and a distinct philosophy I carry within me.

When I started writing this novel, I wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted to tell. I didn’t feel like inviting the reader too deeply into the study of my personal life. And yet, I didn’t want this book to be just another piece of entertaining fiction. What mattered to me was to fully integrate the experiences I’d lived through and extract every drop of meaning from them - so I could build upon that foundation and continue this fascinating exploration of life.

I want to share the moments that shaped the course of the story; to describe the erotic experiences in vivid, unapologetic detail so that my audience could not only feel them, but possibly use that knowledge; to pass on the wisdom that helped me along the way, as well as the practices and tools I developed in the process of discovering myself.
This story is my memoir of a journey through the dark night of the soul - guided only by a flickering light of hope in my heart.

Each page of this book is a step along that path. A mirror. A touchpoint. An invitation to meet the unrecognized within yourself - to feel both the light and the darkness, and to remember that wholeness is not the absence of shadows, but the embrace of all that you are.

Welcome to the Shaded Light.